Tag Archives: comedy

The Scarf


Don’t ask me how I got myself into this situation.  It’s one of those “I should’ve known better” scenarios.  Everything started innocently enough with my son saying his favorite three words “permission to purchase”.  As always I told him that I did not want to talk about it, but he persisted.  For the past few months he was watching the show on BBC called “Doctor Who”.  Apparently, he liked this Doctor so much that he had to have the scarf he was wearing.  ASAP.  The scarf was no laughing matter – 12 to 14 feet long depending what Doctor he wanted to resemble (there were at least 10 of them as far as I know).  The exact replica could be bought only from some British website and cost a lot of money in pounds (I was scared even to convert it to dollars considering 1.6 rate).  Since I could not deprive my son of the happiness the scarf would bring him, I came up with the alternative solution – to knit the “bloody” scarf.

Within the next 10 minutes, the complete and thorough research was completed, which produced few pieces of paper describing different versions of yarn color palette that could be used (7 colors), and exact measurements in inches of each color stripe.  The next step was to go to Michael’s, and pick up the exact colors I needed.   Next lunch hour I spent in the Michael’s torturing the sales people for no reason, since they did not carry these colors anyway.  After work I’ve delivered devastating news to my son.  Clearly upset, he did not give up.  He found the exact specifications of the yarn and the stores in our area that carry it (I’ve always known he was bright).  On Saturday we drove 25 minutes to the store with the yarn we needed – or so we thought.  Apparently, they did have a contract with the manufacturer, but they could order only by box.  Nobody except for us wanted this yarn, so it did not make sense to order, plus we didn’t have time for that anyway.  We compromised to get the colors that resembled the ones we needed the closest

Without further interruption the knitting began the same night.  Since I had other things to do (not as important as scarf, of course), like work, cooking, laundry, shopping, checking homework, etc. I could not spend as much time as required based on my son’s timeline.  I compensated by knitting while waiting for my kids from swimming, watching TV, driving (in passenger seat).  Not one free moment could be spared.  My son was watching.  He was watching and measuring – every half an hour.   First he measured the color stripe I just finished to see if it was the right number of inches (it was critical since it could affect the look and the length).  Then he measured the whole scarf in regular position and stretched, followed by a mental calculation of how long it would take me to finish if I work in the current pace, slower pace, faster pace.  His  Mathlete batch for participation in Math Olympiad was put to a good use.  The speed of his calculations increased as the scarf was progressing from about 2-3 minutes at the beginning to 30 seconds or less at the end.   What was not accomplished by his math teacher with 20 years experience was accomplished by the scarf.

The Haloween was coming and my younger son decided to be Doctor Who.  He needed a scarf to complete the look.   It was getting dead serious; I had to finish it in one week.  I re-grouped; I got organized; I set my mind to not give into pressure.  It was getting intense.  At 11:00pm on Monday night, two days before Haloween parade, I closed up the knit, and started working on the tassels.  My older son was there to help.  I asked him to cut each color yarn the same length and put them together to make the tassel.   It took me half an hour to explain to him what needs to be done, but the yarn somehow never ended up being the same length.  I guess his cutting skills are not as good as calculation.  When he came out from the shower, the scarf was done.   The hugs and kisses were followed by my mostly naked (dressed only in underwear), water-dripping son modeling the scarf, admiring it at every possible angle.  I guess it was all worth it at the end.

P.S.   He did wear the scarf to school few times, but then decided that it was not the right match to his pea coat , plus it was too big to put in his locker anyway.   He promised though to wear it on other occasions as the weather gets colder.

Dave Barry and all this laughter

76713Check out the books by Dave Barry.   He is a comedy writer and has a bunch of books based on the column he is writing.   I could not stop reading it, so I took it on our family car ride to Brooklyn.   Kids asked why I was laughing, so I read a few excerpts aloud.  One of the chapters dealt with Dave getting a stress test, a procedure my husband went through just a few days ago.   He confirmed that description was quite accurate, yet the account of events in the book was hysterical.    After reading the chapter about buying the car experience, I’ve decided to stop, because all this laughing was distracting the driver.

Sex, Drugs, & Gefilte Fish

9780446504621-1This was the classic case of judging the book by its cover.  Please don’t judge me for judging the book by its cover.  I had to read it.  We are a chosen nation.  We don’t do sex and drugs, we do prescribed meds and procreation (most jews don’t even like gefilte fish).  Our primary goal is to increase the jewish population on Earth, not to engage in various not approved by Rabbi activities.

It is a collection of stories by Jewish writers and comedians about their personal experiences in different aspects of life related to being Jewish.    It is hilarious, yet tender, and will make you blush and cry at the same time.   From the story where a 15 year old was confronted by Israeli soldiers during his first sexual encounter, to a proud mom organizing her son’s Bar Mitzvah on a limited budget in an upscale neighborhood, to a writer trying to persuade his 80 something grandma to vote for a black President; each story is filled with love and family values.

This book is a very enjoyable read, whether you are Jewish or not.